Carolyn_Nov 2018.jpg

Hello! I’m comedian/writer Carolyn Busa and welcome
to My Sex Project.
My Sex Project is my attempt to write about sex, love, life and more every week for year. Say hello!

Gifts for you or me or us

Gifts for you or me or us

Listen. It’s not Christmas (or even the day after Christmas). But that doesn't mean today, tomorrow or next week isn’t a good time to treat yourself to one of these slightly sexy gift ideas that have recently crossed my radar either by personal experience or curiosity. Do your research, find a friend (or not) and this 2019, treat yourself. Just make sure to tell me all about it and tag me in the pics.

See a movie at Cinema L’Amour
Okay, so this one involves a trip to Canada but what good gift doesn’t? I heard about this theater at one of last year’s Touchpoint events I attended. One of the storytellers told a wonderful story about a gift her boyfriend had given her. That gift was a visit to this theater. Montreal’s Cinema L’Amour is a “voyeuristic, exhibitionist, stress-free, drug-free, violence-free environment” according to owner Steve Koltai. Not only does this theater screen porn but it provides a place for solo patrons or couples to ‘get busy’. For an extra price you can even reserve a spot on the couples’ area in the balcony.

This admittedly grossed me out at first. But as I listened to this woman’s story about her semi-public sexual encounter and their ability to let go both physically and mentally, it got me a lil hot.

Toys, toys, toys
No matter the time of year, you can’t go wrong with a visit to Babeland or the sex toy store of your choice. Try a new shape, size or texture for yourself or buy someone a gift card and let them decide. Another option, if you’re feeling a little ‘demanding’, tell them what you’d like them to purchase.

One of my favorite, sexy experiences was when a visiting lover sent me a gift card to my local sex shop a few days before he arrived. Included in that were direct instructions on exactly what I was to purchase. The thrill of following his instructions turned both of us on days before his arrival. It made for a great experience when we were finally together and now it’s impossible not to think of him whenever I use his gift. Smart move!

Get reservations to an over the top, immersive restaurant
There was a time when taste was the most important sense for dining out. But now restaurants have become complete sensory experiences. Or in the case of those pitch black restaurants, limited senses.

This is why I recommend Blue Hill at Stone Barns, which I was lucky enough to experience a few years back.  I’m sure dining in one of those dark restaurants has the potential to be sexy (and sloppy). But I know for me, seeing the faces of enjoyment from a good bite of food is one of the best parts of the dining process. Tasting something amazing, locking eyes with someone and sharing that moment of complete satisfaction. It’s like coming at the same time.

This will happen nonstop for you at Stone Barns where yes, it is a restaurant, but more than that, it is an overwhelming sensory experience. From the website, “There are no menus at Blue Hill at Stone Barns. Instead, guests are offered a multi-taste feast featuring the best offerings from the field and market.” In my experience, my dining partner and I were treated to plate after plate of the most delightful vegetables (and meat if you’d like) that were grown and raised at the very place we were seated. It was a nearly 4 hour sensual cacophony of yummy noises, eyes rolling back in our head, explanations of ‘Oh my god’, tears of joy as we swallowed mini burgers made of tomatoes.

Veggie burger of tears

Veggie burger of tears

Check your calendars, save your pennies (it’s not cheap) and go with someone you want to rub.

Attend a nonmonogamy/poly conference
I’ve never been to Comic-Con and I don’t really have the urge. But I do get jealous of an event that immerses you into another world, another culture, another lifestyle. I want to be surrounded by people of similar viewpoints and similar questions. I want to be somewhere I can learn about a topic that interests me and get a free tote bag.

It’s hard to find popular multi-day events in the topics of sex and love and all that kind of stuff. These various events may not be as popular as Comic Con or a random porn star convention in Edison, NJ (Yes, that exists!), but I still think they seem pretty interesting.

January 25 - 28th: Winter Poly Wonderland
March 28 - 31st: Southwest Love Fest
March 29 - 31st: RelateCon
May 4 - 5th: Solo Polyamory Conference
July 10-12th: National Sexual Health Conference

And if none of those seem sexy or interesting enough for you (and if you don’t have a crippling fear of the ocean like I do), try a Couples Cruise!

Get a sexy photo shoot
Last Christmas my sister gave me a Groupon for a sexy, boudoir photoshoot. She knew I was going through a ‘sexual awakening’ and figured a day of dressing sexy in front of the camera would add to that. She was right. Though I will say, if I were to do again, I may bring tequila to help with the initial nerves.

My photoshoot at Bad Kitty was worlds more enjoyable than the Glamour shots I took in the Deptford Mall back in 2013. (Note to self: don’t take sexy photos when you’re in the final stages of an unsexy, failing relationship.)

Sure, there were cheesy moments when my photographer said something like ‘Get it, girl!’ that snapped me out of my sexy but their enthusiasm also brought the best out in me.

Despite the rumors, I did not take these photos ‘for the likes’, I took these photos for the opportunity to see what exactly my version of sexy looks like. I’ve taken sexy selfies but I’ve never seen my ass in the air or my thighs from above and damn, they look good! They were also covered in some of the most creamiest, delightful lotion provided by my photographer but I still think I deserve most of the credit.

Creamy thighs

A work of art by Laura Berger
If it’s not photos of friends and family hanging in my apartment it’s various, random, naked women. I think my nipple count is at least 16. Laura Berger’s paintings wouldn’t necessarily add to my nipple count but they are indeed beautiful, nude depictions of women.

Portion of The Sun is Between Us

Portion of The Sun is Between Us

Laura’s paintings involve the bodies of women in various shapes, colors, and positions. They are almost always intertwined and touching. They seem incredibly exclusive while at the same welcoming you to their feminine tribe. I look at the women in her work and I ask myself how can I become their friends? I want in!   

Naked trip to the sauna
I had my first sauna experience this past year in Düsseldorf, Germany at Vabali. It was hours before my flight to Dublin so my friends and I killed time by killing toxins. The entirely nude grounds of the sauna had me excited but nervous. Naked bodies walking calmly from room to room and me trying to keep my cool in 100+ degree saunas. Not only did I have to adjust to sitting in extreme heat, I had to adjust to extreme nudity.

I started the day like a lost puppy, nervously following my friend and her husband closely. Am I doing it right? Can I cross my legs like this? You put the honey where?! But after an hour I was roaming free. Roaming free among the gorgeous landscapes, the massive grounds, the pools with lovely views, the fireplaces, the cozy beds with embroidered pillows, the welcoming Buddhas. Being naked became increasingly easier the more I felt like royalty. I was aroused not at the bodies, but at the entire experience. This was a relaxation I never felt before. It oozed out of me.

I’m sure every sauna provides a different experience. They probably aren’t all as amazing as Vabali but I am definitely open to experimenting. Trip to King Spa and Sauna anyone?

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Resolutions for a new year

Resolutions for a new year

This weekend I masturbated in my parent’s house and here’s what happened

This weekend I masturbated in my parent’s house and here’s what happened