You're doing this to yourself
I took my dog, Remy, outside to pee. He was giving me the ‘I gotta pee’ signal of an intense stare. But when we got outside, Remy realized it was raining and suddenly his urge to pee vanished.
“Come on, baby.” I said. I pulled him to the curb expecting him to immediately hunker down and piss (which is what he usually does in inclement weather). Instead, Remy started pacing back and forth up the sidewalk growing more frustrated with each rain drop that fell on him. He was annoyed, shaking the wet off of him every three seconds. Yet, despite his growing frustration, he refused to pee.
“What the hell, Remy!” I said, getting soaked myself. “You’re doing this to yourself!” As soon as I said those words, I felt my metaphorical foot go directly in my mouth.
You see, the night before I had a date of sorts. I thought I had wanted this ‘date.’ I thought it was my duty to give the traditional back and forth of getting to know someone ‘the ole fashioned way’ over drinks another try. But as soon as I caught myself repeating the same six anecdotes, the same stories I’ve decided make me ‘interesting’, I wanted to jab the perfectly chipped ice cubes of my overpriced cocktail straight into my eyes. I 100% did this to myself. Who cares where I went to college and what my favorite movie is and what’s currently playing on my Spotify? Each date I put myself through was another confirmation that those things don’t matter to me…at first.
What I want to know about someone, above all else, is: Are we physically compatible? What’s the point of comparing our Discover Weeklys or our tastes in film if we don’t know our tastes for each other?
If our bodies don’t fit together nicely, if our tongues don’t understand each other, if my hands can’t find a place to touch, I rather stop right there. But if all those things are working and feel good and feel natural THEN let’s do all the mundane, routine bullshit of getting to know each other. Dating is so much easier once I have a grip on our physical connection. Their stories seem more exciting, MY stories seem less idiotic. If a connection is nonexistent, what a gigantic waste of time! It’s no ones fault, it just is. Having a similar taste in music won’t change that.
So there I was, like my dog, in a situation I knew how to fix but didn’t. One of use uncomfortably pacing in the rain waiting for the sweet release of an empty bladder, the other uncomfortably sitting at a bar waiting for a tongue in their mouth. Despite everything I know about myself, I’m certain I’ll find myself in another date down the line. But instead of starting the night with ‘Shall we get a drink?’, I think I’ll opt for ‘Shall we see if there’s an attraction?’
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